a while back, my friend wrote THIS ARTICLE for a parenting website.  it’s worth a read for sure (she emailed me, in advance, to gauge the gross-out factor…i approved ).  and while the specific examples are just a tad different – less talk of menstruation in my house, more talk of boobs (and who has them) and nipples (we all do), i understand the sentiment.

over the last 2 1/2 years (and really, in the preceding 10 months of pregnancy) it’s been tough for me to keep up to date with my friends who live across the country.  what used to be weekly (if not daily) phone calls, now occur monthly, when i’m lucky (and requires the following: EBN takes her scheduled nap, my work is done – or near done, the weather is nice enough for me to venture outside (i don’t talk in the house while she sleeping in fear of waking her – i inherited my dad’s loud phone voice), and i’m up to date on nashville).  for better or worse (mostly worse) we’re left to rely on social media to follow along in each other’s life.  it’s not a substitute for real face time.  but it’s so much better than nothing at all.  i live to see the birthday parties, saturdays at the park, political interests, cute outfits (kiddos and mamas).  you get.

anyway, probably a year ago, i, admittedly, was really slacking in the “picking up the phone and calling my friends” department, and one of my besties (thank goodness for real friends) called me on it.  not only did she miss me, she said, but she also admitted that she was going through a bit of a rough patch (which i had totally missed) and it was hard to read and see my seemingly perfect life on facebook and in this space.

and that got me thinking – am i keeping this space real enough?  obviously, i treasure the special and amazing events and its important to me that there is some record of the wonderful memories that make up our life.  and it’s not that i mean to skip over the negative but typically, when i sit down to write and reflect on what feels important, the moments of frustration/tension/eye-rolling have passed and don’t stand out anymore.  (also, when reviewing the archives of this space, there seems to be quite enough bitching…if you ask me…or ABN i’m sure ).

all of this is really lead-up to me saying – while this past weekend included many, many highlights (as documented HERE and on facebook), there were hard moments too.  and because i want to paint an actual picture of sacramento weekend 2013 for myself, and my readers….here’s a rundown:

• EBN and i enthusiastically loaded into the car at exactly 4pm on friday to meet ABN in the east bay (he would take BART) for an early dinner.  a drive that should have taken 50 minutes took 2 hours and 45 minutes, and that only got us about a quarter of the way to sacramento.
• EBN went absolutely bonkers (in a good way) when she saw her big girl bed.  there was shrieking and jumping and lots of snuggling under the covers.  she then woke up at 3:30am on saturday, fussing, and refused to go back to sleep.  sure she happily cuddled with me in her bed, but she refused to lay still or quit bonking me on the nose, or stop saying, “hi mama,” every 30 seconds…and at 6am was up for good.
• we planned the trip to sacramento so that we could enjoy some time in the sun, before it got too hot – the weather was perfect – hot in the sun, cool in the shade, and comfortable enough to sit outside for dinner on saturday night.  unfortunately we forgot to confirm that the hotel had a swimming pool – oops
• EBN had no accidents the entire trip (i mean, accidents have never really been her thing…but still – worth celebrating!).  she also hadn’t pooped since wednesday so during the trip she would yell, “i need to poop!!” and then we would run to the closet bathroom where she would refuse to even sit on the toilet before deciding that, in fact, she didn’t need to go.  repeat.  repeat. repeat.
• due to the lack of sleep on friday night EBN took an epic nap on saturday afternoon – and so did we.  it was needed by all parties.  EBN slept great on saturday night too!  i think the day completely exhausted her.  unfortunately, sleeping in did not happen for me on mother’s day – is there anything a mama wants more?  there was lots of talk about ABN and EBN getting out so that i could get a little extra shut eye but it’s hard in a hotel (i get it) and we didn’t have a real plan in place
• we planned our trip home perfectly so that EBN would nap and she fell asleep before we even got on the highway. she then woke up 90 minutes into our trip home (we still had about 40 minutes to go) screaming and claiming an immediate need to poop (who could blame her).  of course by this point we were passed the last exit before the bay bridge but not quite on the bridge itself and not.moving.  thank god, again, for the ipad.  which proved to be enough distraction – on both counts.
• while EBN had the best weekend of her life, i felt a little blue that there was no planning in place to make the day nice and relaxing for me.  don’t get me wrong – the weekend was full of family fun, but between getting up early, packing up the room (and, in my haste, we forgot coco – luckily, coco has been located and is on her/his?? way back to us!!), sitting in traffic, unpacking and doing 3 loads of laundry – i got a bit resentful.  the shit hit the fan for me when i found myself driving home, stuck in traffic, while my two great loves snoozed the afternoon away.  i get that i’m being ridiculous – but no one said i was perfect.  (although perfect might be my new, oversized, fleece, post-hot-tub robe!  such a thoughtful gift from EBN and ABN).

so, in an effort to quit telling lies on facebook (or half truths – or bits and pieces) that’s sacramento – the good, the bad and the lack of poop.

turns out, girlfriend was just waiting until we got home.

she craves routine.

just like here mama.

ps. do you love the photo above?  thanks to the lovely ladies at a beautiful mess, there’s an app for that!  makes my life more fun (and a bit more beautiful).  check it out – you’re sure to enjoy!

this cold just won’t quit.

every time i think we’ve seen the last of it, EBN blows another chicken out of each and every orifice and i start to cough. my left eye is like a leaking faucet and it’s made me puffy and red.  it’s the kind of sick that doesn’t keep you in bed (well, i would stay in bed if i could but the little one is interested in getting as many surfaces covered in snot as humanly possible) but makes you cranky and tired and motivated to do a whole lotta nothing except drink hot water with lemon and honey (it also has in no way curbed my appetite – why does passover leave me feeling like a constant bottomless pit?).

its left me especially moody which now, at almost 6pm on sunday evening, i realize is sorta my bad.  i’ve been quick to pout, quick to get annoyed and quick to curl up in a ball and complain.

some of it is warranted.  EBN is beyond adorable but even her most treasured traits can become draining when you are around them 24/7 (with snot).  she narrates constantly – which is one of my favorite of her qualities (hey, i always have someone to talk to!) but when your head is pounding it’s…a lot.  and her new thing is to scream “KLEENEX,” the second the smallest drop of snot begins to travel southward (every .25 seconds).  do you remember the scream that brad pitt emitted when he opened the box to find gwyneth’s head?  times that by 7 and it is sorta close to the piercing scream coming from my house at all hours of day and night.

but some of it’s really not.  or at least, as a mom and a wife, i wish it was easier for me to just let things slide.  or to transition into better a situation instead of stick with the pout (i might need to trademark that term).

“mommy, that’s the biggest snail i ever saw!”

finally this afternoon, after a too-short nap from miss EBN on a day when ABN was stuck with a pile of work (and a much needed grocery trip) i decided enough was enough and the two of us took our snotty-selves to search for snails at the windy and rainy beach.  i know, not great for our colds but i think we are both feeling oodles better (at least mentally).  we’ve now taken a mama-baby shower and are in our pjs before the sun sets. i’ve promised her a pedicure before dinner so i best get to that.

but before i go, as EBN was chasing after the seagulls on the beach this conversation occurred:

EBN (running, arms flapping as is her way): “hi goose!, hi goose!”

LBN: “kiddo, that’s a seagull, not a goose.”

EBN: “oh, that’s why the goose didn’t hear us!”

this post is brought to you by starbucks, hot tea, and the lumineers.

it’s a rainy saturday afternoon and since EBN has decided to take a late (and hopefully long) nap, i’ve left other BNs at home in hopes of getting a jump-start on the work week.  i’m not stressed (something sort of new for me) but i know the week will be a busy one and so if i can get a bit done before monday that would be a good thing.  as i’m now managing 3 blogs (this space, THIS space and soon to be one more space – we’ll be launching at the end of the month), it means a lot of time spent lurking online, reading and researching, and then writing.  i’m digging it.

i’ve never been a tea drinker but as i’ve taken on this paleo lifestyle (for the most part) and as we’ve had several colder than normal rainy weeks here in the bay area – tea and i seem to have struck up a new and surprising relationship.  don’t get me wrong, i’m planning to give up coffee no time soon (i know, not true paleo) but in the late afternoon, or as a bedtime snack, a hot cup of tea is sorta becoming a thing.  between the crochet and the tea and the hot tubbing and the vintage longer length skirts and dresses, i’m practically ready to retire and move to florida.  if it’s warmer there than it currently is here (types the girl wearing fingerless gloves) you can count me in.

in addition to listening to records – we’ve been listening to the lumineers.  i’m basically the last person to discover music so i take no credit (especially because they also appeared in this week’s people magazine which means i’m super late to the game this time around).  but i’m head over-heels in love and it seems like the only thing better than the lumineers themselves is the pandora station.  so…i like the lumineers, dear internet, what else should i be listening to?

ps.  i have a wart on the bottom of my foot (now aren’t you glad that the photo above is of a cup of tea?).  i know, tmi.  but in truth it is all i can currently think about even as i type other words, analyze volunteer retention, work on my weekly calendar.  it’s nothing new, it’s probably been there for the last 2 years (maybe more).  but i finally went to have it professionally dealt with yesterday (after a month or more of “work at home” yielded no results) and now my wart which had for years been easily ignored is now more painful than childbirth (especially childbirth that included drugs).  it’s on the ball of my foot so walking sucks but even if my foot is just pointing down it’s super uncomfortable because all the blood is rushing in that direction.  when ever i think about taking off my sock to check out my “ouchie” EBN screams bloody murder (she caught sight of it just once) and says no mommy, no, sock back on!  this too shall pass.  but i thought you should know…

so here’s the thing. i’d really like to go to an office holiday party. i know, they are typically awkward and expensive (a new outfit, a babysitter, a taxi) and with a jam-packed december it’s hard to squeeze it all in.

but when you work from home, it’s a lot of yoga pants and microwave-able soup (i am so not complaining). it’s messy top-knots and questionable days since the last shower. and so the idea of going out for a night, with other adults, that someone else is responsible for planning – that sounds pretty nice to me right about now.

in my years as a working woman my holiday party experience has ranged from a white elephant gift exchange over lunch at a greek diner (i got a lotto ticket!) to a ca-ca-crazy non-profit blow-out in the auditorium of the community center (there was dancing and a talent show and a photo booth with costumes). let’s not forget the CHRISTMAS party at the small non-profit i worked for in boston. and from my time in nyc, when i was an assistant, there were special lunch dates and home cooked meals to celebrate the holidays.

there’s no question, my most recent job holds the title for best holiday party. and that’s a pretty easy title to hold when it includes a flight down to LA and cocktails on the roof of a lux bh hotel. that’s what you get when the holiday party is really to celebrate the professionals (lawyers, doctors, medical staff) that you rely on in order to get the job done. but the true highlight was always the round of drinks before the official party got underway, when we’d toast each other on a job well done.

i’ve attended ABN’s holiday parties as well – including a holiday party just a month after EBN arrived where we stashed her (sleeping in her carseat) under a table of charcuterie (talk about awkward!). i was hoping that ABN’s new job would mean i’d get out of the house but so far no dice.

i happen to have the perfect holiday party outfit hanging in my closet just waiting to be worn so, if you hear of a party that i can crash…hook a girl up!

looks can be deceiving.

i know.

my kid has been up since 3:30 and so have i.

and at 3:30 in the morning, she’s not nearly as cute as what is captured above.*

and i’m still not eating sugar. or cheese. or bread.  or a whole list of other really good food.  like cookies.  i want a cookie.**

and so, i think i’ll meet you back here on monday.  because mama needs a little break.

and because this too, shall pass.

in the meantime, i just ordered THESE.

because i’ve been up since 3:30 this morning.

and i can’t eat cheese.

*that’s not exactly true.  while i would really really really prefer a child who sleeps, it is pretty melt-my-heart-cute when, i walk in her room and she immediately sits straight up and starts singing and signing the more we get together together together.  but still, i’d rather she sleep.

**this whole paleo thing is actually going quite well and while in this very moment, the only thing that i want more than sleep is a mrs. fields semi-sweet chocolate chip cookie and a fountain soda diet coke (go ahead and judge) i’ve actually been feeling really great.  no real cravings (which is insane because there are few people who eat more carbs and more sugar than me) and instead i’ve been enjoying new recipes.  ABN has been doing great too.  there’s been absolutely no cheating (i’m as shocked as you are) even when i went to my favorite mexican place – which, for the record, is totally not worth it if you can’t eat anything.  live and learn

we’ve had a very busy start to our fault.  between the jewish holidays, a michigan wedding, quitting one job, starting another two jobs, running the booth at a street fair, entertaining houseguest after houseguest after houseguest after houseguest after…you get the idea…it becomes difficult to find time to breathe, let alone do laundry, keep a clean house, cook healthy recipes and shower regularly.  most of all, my time with the little one has been chaotic.  there have been no afternoons spent at the park, no early mornings blowing bubbles, no fridays making  homemade challah, and very few banana snuggles.

but tuesday afternoon, we changed all that.  we’ve got a bit (bit) of a reprieve in houseguests (my brother left in the morning and my father in law returns later this week) and so after naptime we jumped into the car to plan our escape.  to the county park we went.  i didn’t look at my watch, and i didn’t check email.  we didn’t rush.  we had no trail that needed to be conquered.  instead we threw pebbles into the stream and smelled wild flowers.

we’ve missed our routine.  both of us.