time passes too quickly it seems.  or life is busy.  or quiet time for reflection is few and far between.  whatever the case, months have gotten away from me and while i’ve shared stories and photos and videos, the type of record keeping i know i’ll crave one day, has been few and far between.  there’s no point in trying to catch up, but i’ll try to capture the moment we’re in right now, before it too passes us by.

my kid never.stops.talking.  she comes by it honestly.  and while her constant chatter is nothing new, it now comes in full and flowing sentences.  expressing real thoughts, feelings and opinions.  she questions everything.  accepts nothing at face value.  she’s a girl who loves a good catch phrase, and if she gets a response, good or bad, she’s bound to repeat it again and again.  if you find yourself at our house, you’re likely to hear the following, “i don’t remember,” “i can do it,” “mine,” “i’m still doing,” “i’m nervous,” “that’s humongous (in reference to bubbles, and poops, mostly), “i would like my vitamins, please”, “help me, mama, ayudame” (and a long list of other spanish words and phrases).  she’s also, finally, started using proper pronouns – not always, but at times.  so if she’s referring to herself, she’ll only call herself EBN 50% of the time, and relies on me and i the rest of the time.

we’re super into fairy princesses right now (although i’m not convinced we actually know what a fairy princess is…) so when this nightgown arrived in the mail from nani – life left pretty complete

when she wants something she can’t do quite yet, i tend to assign an arbitrary age to when it will be possible and so she walks around town telling strangers that when she is 6 she is going to play baseball with the big boys and that when she is 7 she is going to light shabbat candles all by myself.  she’s already counting down the days until she is 12 and she can paint her nails black.  gonna be a long wait kid.

there’s a lot of singing as well – baba black sheep, london bridge, the abc’s, row your boat and there’s a dinosaur knocking at my door are current contenders if she ever finds herself auditioning for american idol.  our music class is on hiatus until may but she looks forward to shaking her sillies out each week like no other.

sometimes she likes to wear my smelly running shoes #kidsareweird

my little one is turning into a bit of a picky eater – which i’m mostly certain is my fault.  it’s not that she doesn’t eat balanced meals – chicken and broccoli and quinoa and yogurt and fruit, as well as her fair share of french fries and hotdogs and bagels and cream cheese, and if she could subsist on a goldfishy diet, she would – it’s just that is basically all she will eat.  try to introduce something new and different and she will, literally, turn up her nose.  it makes it difficult when we go to friend’s houses.  i mean, i know there is nothing better than a taco bar but the kid won’t even consider it.  in the last week or so i’ve tried hard to have EBN eat whatever we are eating for dinner but that means starting my dinner prep hours earlier than i typically would (because she eats before we do).  and managing it all is just hard work.

her sleep is great – i’ve got no complaints – which means, after this post publishes, we’ll probably never sleep again.  day time potty training is done and done and she still sleeps in a diaper and that’s equal parts her and me.  i have no plans to make any changes to our system anytime soon and if i have to send her to college with night time diapers and slurp packs so she gets her servings of fiber in, so be it.

a friend watched EBN last weekend while we moved furniture and sent this photo over to show what “fun” was being had. i’m pretty sure it’s photoshopped – my kid isn’t really this much of a risk taker. is she?

my little one, who talks constantly and sings loudly and plays proudly, has never been much of a risk taker.  but over the last few weeks, the girl who has always clapped enthuastically as her friends climb and jump and run, has started to do her fair share too.  need a bit of evidence?:

basically – it’s a miracle.

in her old age, my kiddo has become a bit emotional – it’s to be expected, i know.  when her friends, who she loves, come to close, she yells.  when she doesn’t want to share, she yells.  when her hair is washed, or her nose is wiped, or she wants to get out of bed in the morning – she yells.  it’s something that we’re working on.  we talk about taking deep breaths and asking for help when she needs it.  we talk about using her words and telling her friends that she might need a little space.  we tell her it’s alright to cry but sometimes it easier for mommy and daddy to fix the problem when she uses her words.  it’s a slow process – that is quickly driving me nuts.

she continues to be super into electronica – screens – not music.  in addition to her ipad (which is really MY ipad that i was gifted for mothers day last year…go figure) we’ve swapped out most tv shows (other than dora, nothing replaces dora) with movies.  her current faves are free to be you and me, this babies video from the 80s that my mom somehow got on dvd – it’s awful, she LOVES it, and annie.  man oh man do we LOVE annie in this house.  although if you start singing “the sun will come out tomorrow,” most likely EBN will look at you confused – she insists on restarting the movie at each viewing so we have yet to make it that far.

we’re all set with our preschool decision for the fall which is super exciting and overwhelming all at once.  i can’t wait to have 3 mornings a week to myself (can you say, “mama’s gonna join a gym?!”) and i know my kid is BEYOND ready and going to love it.  but i just can’t believe she’s old enough to start school.  for the last week she’s woken up and looked and acted dramatically older than she did when she went to sleep.  her hair seems to be longer and curlier too.  it’s just all going by really fucking fast.

i’m writing from the back deck.  the sun is shining on my shoulders, clean and dry after a morning at the beach and a post-sand shower with the little one.  she’s blowing bubbles at maniac speed, as i type and sip on my arnold palmer.  i always thought an arnold palmer included vodka – and since it’s after 5 (barely) i’ve decided to make my definition a reality.  a few weeks ago ABN worked his magic on my phone, making it so that i could use it to connect my computer to the internet when wireless isn’t available.  and the problem i’ve always had with “working” from my beck deck is that our house signal was never strong enough.  problem solved.

the house next door to us, to the right if you’re facing the street, the left if you are facing our house, is sunshine yellow with mandarin orange trim and pansy purple accents.  in addition to its multi-generational inhabitants with a lineage way more complicated than i can understand, it also houses an rv parked in the driveway, a school bus between the early morning pick-up and late afternoon drop-off and a couple of rowdy pigs who squeal and argue with the dogs that live there too.  in our first few months living in our home, when adults still attempted naps due to a baby that kept odd hours, we’d giggle in response to the raucous, sure we’d never heard dogs, of any breed, that made such a noise, and hypothesizing they must be wild boars.  never to imagine we were right.

anyway,this long drawn out story, and scene really, is just to say…EBN, between blows directed at her orange bubble wand, asks, “what’s that?” in response to hearing the snorting and squealing on the other side of the fence.  “what’s that,” is one of her current catch phrases.  she has many.  to her question i respond, it’s the pigs honey.  we can go meet them if you want (please say no.).  “no mommy,” she says, “not piggies.  it’s lions.”

at this point, nothing would surprise me.

when we received an invitation to my uncle’s wedding we decided to make the trip to LA as easy as possible and while the very last thing i wanted to do was let go of EBN, let alone leave her overnight, it was the way to go.  we chose to forgo chanukah presents in favor of a night at a swanky hotel (#1 on the list of things that make me happy is high thread count sheets) and so we hopped a flight down first thing sunday morning and were back in pacifica before the sunset on monday.

for the love of a terrycloth bathrobe (please note this photo was taking exactly 3 minutes after i entered the hotel room – i waste no time)//nothing better than watching I LOVE LUCY while primping//still crazy [for each other] after all these years//i clean up pretty good!  (too bad they don’t let me out more often…)

and because i know what you’re really after…

there’s been a lot of stair climbing over the last few days

and singing too.

when ABN climbed the stairs the lyrics changed slightly – where oh where is daddy kayla.  it’s good to know she’s wise beyond her years, but not too wise.

we’re a month away from 2. that’s…insane. while it’s difficult for me to remember a world pre EBN, she can’t possibly be inches away from her second year. every day is a new adventure, a new food, a new word, a new shirt that doesn’t fit over that massive head, another curl that knots, another hill to run up, another bubble to pop.

i can’t believe i’m writing this but, my little round girl is no longer little and she’s really not so round. she’s tall – which is insane considering her mama is only 5’2″ on a good day and her daddy, while taller than some, isn’t taller than most. it’s probably the only time in her life that she’ll be the tallest of her crew – too bad she won’t remember. her leg rolls are gone and her tummy, while still there – ain’t what it used to be. when i lie her down for a diaper change, her stomach disappears completely and we both giggle as i search start the search. did EBN’s tummy get lost in her diaper? no. did elmo steal it? no. did it get caught in her hair brush?

if you could see what EBN eats, the tummy disappearing would be even more shocking. just like here mama and her daddy – girl likes a good meal. still loves caesar salad but has also recently discovered steak. she’ll dip anything in ketchup, especially her finger and when she stayed with her NANI and P’PA for a long weekend, we returned to find her asking for only hotdogs and french fries. you’ll be glad to know she also loves broccoli and strawberries and “meananas”. she also asks for “slurp packs” by the color of their twist off lid – “purple slurp pack please”.

she’s a lover. as soon as she enters a room, or sees a baby or takes a breath really, she’s dishing out hugs and kisses – whether you want them or not.

she loves to run. and swims in the bathtub. and likes to put things in the trash can all by her “self”. she covers her eyes when we light shabbat candles and says the words of the sh’ma before going to bed at night.

speaking of night-time – sleep is still a semi-disaster. in the words of my people, it could always be worse….but not much. she goes down mostly fine with a back rub and a bit of singing. most nights, five minutes after we leave the room she wants us back for a minute to fix her “blankie” or for “sing”. then it’s sweet dreams – until 4am. who knows why but she’s up, almost every night calling for her mama. a little more singing and back rubbing and she sleeps again, if we’re lucky til about 5:30. you know it’s bad when 6:15 is considered a success. let’s just say it doesn’t look like she’s inherited her dad’s ability to sleep. the good news is i’m sure our next kiddo will be an expert sleeper – unfortunately it will probably be an asshole, just to balance things out.

we did transition EBN to her toddler bed this month. while she doesn’t sleep any better (or any worse) than before, she LOVES her bed and her blankets and her stuffed animals. she spends way more time in her room and loves to pretend it’s night-time. she does the whole routine: she turns on her music, clicks her turtle night-light on and asks for the lights to be shut off. then she climbs into bed and cuddles COCO before giggling and hopping out of bed. i love being in my office or the living room and listening to her talk to herself as she plays with the toys in her room, or reads her books.

we can no longer keep track of the words that she says because she pretty much seems to know them all. she talks constantly and if she hears something said she will repeat it again and again and again and again (see: shit show). it always catches me off guard when she knows something that i know i haven’t taught her. we were sitting on her bed the other day and she took her mickey and put him on the edge: “humpty dumpty” she said, “sat on a wall.” then she stopped and let him fall to the floor. how does she know humpty dumpty? i didn’t teach her that. neither did ABN. neither did BUDDY. but yet, she knows it. and not only that, she’s applying it correctly.

my girl has an opinion about everything. what shirt she wants to wear. what coloring book she wants to use. what show she wants to watch. she’s super stuborn…wonder where she gets that.

sometimes she lets me put her hair in a “pony”.

early in the month i got a pedicure and for weeks we heard about “mommy’s blue toes”.

our current favorite trick is to ask her show her happy face, her stink face, her tired face and her thinking face – at which point she looks up and taps her chin with one finger. she can count to 40 (with a bit of help) and likes to use her fingers to count to 10.

and finally for your viewing pleasure:

no matter what you are imagining, what i witnessed was worse – way worse.

we can leave it at that.

in an effort to erase what is now permanently branded upon my memory, i’ve been watching this video on loop for the last several hours:

ps. let’s just hope she doesn’t say it tomorrow, during our first day at the toddler program.