as soon as DBN announced her engagement (over skype!  from taiwaan!) i got i got excited about planning a shower.  DBN is a girl who deserves a celebration and i couldn’t wait to do it up right.

did you see those awesome tea cookies?  yeah, my dad gets full credit on that one.  and the flowers?  one of DBN’s friends came up with the great idea of gifting mason jars labeled with chalkboard paint (she got a full set and the supplies to make more – totally jealous!).

each woman was asked to pass along words of wisdom or life lessons to share and their gifts went along with these traditions and tidbits.  i put together a book of all their words and gifted that to the bride to be.  also a preview of what is to come:

the cat is finally out of the bag. this is the HUGE crochet project i’ve been working on. a queen-sized blanket for DBN for her wedding. and i’ve been making major progress, until…i found a mistake that i just couldn’t live with. and so, i started pulling…

that’s my pissed off pulling face.

and pulling…

and pulling some more…

it’s stinking pretty and i’m glad i’m taking the time to make sure it’s done right.

july is right around the corner…

so now that i’m an expert in throwing sit-down dinners for 38 people (ha ha ha), i thought i’d share a couple tricks i learned along the way.  it’s true, passover is a special animal that involves seder plates, chicken soup and a book of songs, readings and traditions.  but at the end of the day, at least in my house, it’s just one massive dinner party – with gefilte fish.

1. start your planning early: i started making plans for passover 2013 moments after my guests went home at the end of passover 2012.  i know that’s crazy and what i really needed as a good matzah detox, but there was so much that happened and i didn’t want to forget any of my take aways.  i wanted to remember what worked (plague bags, scallions), what didn’t (the maggid – or passover story – was too long and way complicated) and what needed improvement (we were in desperate need of a new starch to serve with dinner).  i also looked ahead at the calendar.  passover was “earlier” this year than last year and so i needed to think about how that would fit in with our year in general.  also since the seders were going to be on a week night, rather than on a weekend, we needed to “claim” either the 1st or 2nd night right away.

2. plan your menu: know your limits: with passover the staples are pretty obvious: chicken soup, some sort of matzah-kugel/farfel deal, chicken and brisket, apple sauce and a veggie.  other than polling friends and family to come up with a different starch idea i knew exactly what i was serving.  up until a month before the big day i was planning to do both chicken and brisket but then i realized that, even if i cooked everything in advance, with one oven i’d have no way to heat it all up to serve.  so brisket got nixed.  and that was a sad day.  don’t worry – i’m already trying to convince ABN what we really need is a double-oven for next year.

3. storage: speaking of “extra”, we could not have done this seder without the freezer we have in our basement.  it’s a non-negotiable.  i was able to make all the chicken soup, 87 matzah balls, applesauce and chicken (47 thighs and 22 breasts) all before any of my family arrived to help.  believe me, there was plenty of other stuff to do once they showed up.  and in thinking ahead, as we begin to plan for our basement redo, having space for an extra refridgerator is pretty high on my list.  in the days leading up to our seder, it was hard to find space for everything (that’s a lot of hard boiled eggs, party people!).

4. decide on your non-negotiables – early: the things that were at the top of my list were things that my mom rolled her eyes at.  i wanted to use my mixed-matched wine glasses because i love the color they add to the table.  i wanted to put together a new haggadah.  i wanted each person at the table to have their own seder plate.  ABN’s non-negotiable was to not hire someone to wash dishes.  i know – totally crazy – but if i can have some he gets his own too.  on basically every other item (brisket) we were willing to bend to what would work best.  and i have to say – it all worked out great.  i was flexible (brisket) and at the same time, my table was gorgeous and the seder itself had a lot of meaning.

5. ask the experts: i relied heavily on my mom, dad and aunt linda when it came to planning.  luckily, they each had strong opinions .  from the experts: my mom taught me to save my shank bone for next year (it’s currently living in my freezer) and to heat up my matzah balls in the soup broth, my dad insists that nuts going into any recipe must be toasted first (he’s totally right) and aunt linda showed me there’s a big difference between white trash bags and black trash bags and you need black (who knew!?).

6. know your audience – and seat them accordingly: i’m lucky – i had a really fun group.  and while they were diverse they all shared one quality – the love of an adult beverage.  still, i wanted to mix things up and so i did a seating chart.  i have to say, thinking about that seating chart (for 38 people) caused quite a bit of anxiety but when it got down to actually putting it together, it took almost no time at all and i was really pleased with the final results.  last year i tailored the seder to the one 6 year-old in attendance.  my goal was for him to not hate it – and my goal was achieved (i think).  this year i wanted to relate the story of passover to our current world.  i asked participants to do a bit of homework before hand and made sure to tell everyone to come prepared to be part of the action.  props helped too.  along with hidden chocolate treats, good singing and wine.  don’t forget wine.

7. hire the right entertainment:

8. take charge: everyone wants to help but let me tell you, 38 people in the kitchen, really isn’t helpful.  and when there are that many people at your house, it’s honestly most important that the majority of people stay seated at all times in order to keep chaos to a minimum.  but at the same time, some help is needed, you just gotta tell people what you need and when you need it.  my mom came up with the idea that with each course i could name a group of people and assign a task.  for example, mahj girls served soup.  witkow daughter’s in law served dinner and the cousins cleared.  if you weren’t put to work, your butt had to stay in your chair.

9. lists: i’m a girl who loves a good list and for this gathering i was juggling many of them.  grocery lists, seating assignments, ideas for the seder.  you name it, it had a list (or two).  but it felt so good to cross things off (even if i was adding to my lists more quickly than i was getting things done…whatever).  when my nani died we found folders upon folders of lists upon lists from dinner parties she had hosted and were like, what the hell was she saving all this for.  i get it now.  i totally get it.

10. always make your guests wear ridiculous attire: don’t you find people let lose when props are involved?  this year we did run dmc chains of oppression and masks for the plagues.  next year?  well, you’ll just have to check back here to find out.

that’s me, taking charge

and one more, just to throw it in at the end – treat yourself well.  i got a blow-out bright and early on the big day.  not only did my hair look *awesome* but it also meant i didn’t have to worry about taking a lot of time to get myself ready in those very busy late afternoon hours.

have fun and drink well!

xo,

LBN

so, remember when i had settled on the dress that i was going to wear to the wedding in september? well…i’m feeling unsettled.

out of nowhere (i swear, stuff like this never happens) my mom ordered me two dresses from MODCLOTH. it was sweet and unnecessary and it made me feel super special. the dresses arrived yesterday and they were beautiful and bright and more of what i had always pictured myself wearing than the navy dress from stitch fix – which i still like, but it just doesn’t seem right for this event. excuses, excuses. it’s not everyday that your mom decides to buy you a new dress. or at least, it’s not my everyday.

both dresses have to go back. one is way too short and the other is just a bit tight in the bust. and since i’m making a return i decided to do one more round of looking…and oh what a round it was….

i know what you’re thinking.  LBN, there are only 11 dresses.  here’s NUMBER 12.  it’s the one that my mom sent me, that i’m going to order in a bigger size.  but i’m afraid it will be too big.  and i need options.  i’m for sure ordering number 12.  but i’d like order another dress as well…i mean, if i’m trying again, i might as well try for real.  i think it’s clear i’m looking for something with a vintage feel and a full skirt.  i want to wear a bra and ideally my brand new cowboy boots, although this negotiable

hi cute cousins! can’t wait to see you so so soon!

on friday i mentioned that i might be knee-deep in passover prep this week.  how about neck?  it’s a little out of control around these parts.  i’m mostly enjoying the process – as is EBN, turns out she is a big fan of the boiled chicken that comes from the chicken soup stock – but it’s a process indeed.  which is sorta the point.  i might not be ridding my house of every piece of chametz (although i will try my best), but i’m preparing my home, my soul and my body (i’m considering taking passover, this year, as a little holiday from gluten…what do you think?  i sorta feel like why not).

in between scanning and cutting and pasting parts of the seder together, my mom sent me the link to a NYtimes piece by JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER.  he talks about THE NEW AMERICAN HAGGADAH that he edited and that i just purchased.  while we won’t be reading this haggadah cover to cover at our seder, or really, at any seder that i can imagine, the book is beyond beautiful and i challenge you to read just a few pages and not learn something new.

i’ve found putting my own haggadah together more challenging than i had intended.  it’s not just making sure the rituals appear in the correct order – although the details are enough to make anyone batty.  the haggadah just involves a lot of god talk and while i can personally feel comfortable welcoming an abstract idea of god to my holiday table, i’m not sure how it will play with the rest of my guests.  what’s a girl to do?  supplement with folk music, of course .

if you find yourself with 10 minutes to spare, take the time to read FOER’S PIECE for yourself.  it’ll get you in the holiday – whatever is your holiday – mood.

a couple of weeks ago ABN asked me what i considered myself an expert in.  huh (see a confused LBN, scratching her head and thinking…).  expert?  that’s not really my thing.  i’m more of a learn-from-others-get-inspired-be-creative-and-try-try-try-again kind of girl. does making a chocolate cake out of a box count?  ’cause i’ve got that down to a science.

but a few days ago, it dawned on me – there is one thing on which i am an absolute expert.  the training has been passed down from generation to generation, from THE REAL NANI, to my mom, to me and one day, to EBN.  it will be our ever lasting legacy – how to write the perfect thank you note*.  below, find my tips:

1. get going, don’t delay: the most important determining factor in a good thank you note is when the note gets to its intended recipient.  if a giver went out of his or her way to get you a gift, or do something to make your day better – then you can go out of your way to get a thank you out in a matter of days or weeks.  believe me, it’s easier to send a note when the gift or good deed is still fresh in your mind.  it feels less like something you need to do, and much more like something you want to do – which should really be the sentiment…no?  some of my own timing guidelines: for stand-alone thank you notes, those that are written in response to a dinner party host etc – 48 hours turn around – TOPS.  for thank you notes that come in groups – for instance – a child’s birthday party – you’ve got 1 week baby.  for something larger – say, a wedding perhaps – i’m going to go with 1 month (give or take to allow time for a honeymoon)**.  but really, there is no reason to let the notes linger.  think about how good you will feel when you cross that last thank you note off your list.  and while thinking that your list is oh so long…get over it and just write the notes.  think about it this way – if you write 10 notes a day, for 10 days, that’s 100 notes.  do that twice.  that’s 200 notes.  if gifts come in before the actual event – get a head start!  take advantage of the opportunity to tell the givers how much you are looking forward to celebrating with them.  this leads me to my next tip….

2. make it personal: make it clear that not only was the specific gift or service special but the giver is important to you as well.  it’s not just about the candlesticks, right?  one thing that makes those candlesticks special, is that they came from your favorite uncle mel. take the opportunity of the thank you note to tell mel how much he means to you.

3. be specific: none of this, “thank you so much for the gift…” nonsense.  if you are going to write that thank you note, you may as well start writing now and just add a date and a name later on.  rather, let the giver know how grateful you are for the gift and how you plan to use it – for example, “thank you so much for the gorgeous candlesticks.  we can’t wait to light them the next time we have a dinner party.”  or “thank you so much for inviting us to brunch on sunday.  i can’t decide what was better – catching up or that french toast casserole!”.  with gifts of money – specifics can be tough.  if you are using that money for a specific purpose – ie college fund, travel – go there.  otherwise a simple, “thank you for your very generous gift in honor of my birthday – it means so much that you would think of me,” will suffice.

4. skip the complaints: this isn’t so much a tip for writing the thank you note itself but more of a general life lesson (from me…the expert…remember?).  i find it annoying difficult to listen to others complain about writing thank you notes.  i get that it might not be the most fun for everyone (because in all honesty, i find it a great stress reducer) but i think we have to remember, we’re thanking people for a generous act and when we complain about it to others, well that kinda negates the purpose…no?

and there you have it.  i’ve imparted my wisdom to the best of my abilities.  go forth – write thank you notes and spread the gospel.  in a few months we can all come back to this space and laugh about how writing thank you notes is now the in-vogue thing to do.  maybe ALANIS can be our mascott:

*this post is written in honor of a FABULOUS thank you note i received last week, following the wedding i attended in atlanta.  not only was the note extremely personal and thoughtful but it arrived less than two weeks after the event and the gift wasn’t even ordered until after i returned home.  i’m saving it…forever.

** there seems to be a widely held belief that after a wedding your wedding you have until your 1st anniversary to write your thank you notes.  i completely disagree.  you have 1 year, as a guest, to send a wedding gift.  thank you notes should still be written for gifts in the order they are received and in a timely manner.  please help spread the word

growing up, both of my grandmothers had matching china patterns.

and so, before my wedding i was given one piece of advice* – whatever you do, don’t register for china!

when my nani passed away, almost a year ago, one thing that required no debate was what would happen to her china – it would come to me (don’t worry, she had at least 7 different patterns in full sets, so everyone was left with more than enough.  and this was a woman who had not had entertained in at least 30 years).  about a month ago my grandma and papa (who, it should be noted, still party harder than most 20-somethings i know) decided it was time to live a bit more simply and moved into a retirement community (which sounds a lot like dorm life in college and i’m a bit jealous).    with that move came the distribution of a lot of their treasures as there simply isn’t room in the new place.  once again the china came to me.

thank goodness i followed the advice of these wise women and didn’t register for china – i clearly have more than enough to entertain the masses.  the only question is…

who’s coming for passover?

*my nani actually shared many pieces of advice/opinions before i got married – including that i should always “arise” before my husband to make sure that my hair and skin were just so.  these “treasures” are compiled in a book that she gave to my mom when she got engaged.  next time i’m at my parents’ house i’ll dig it out to share a few of the highlights