i have nothing real to say on the topic other than i remember 8 years ago waiting for the white smoke to rise – largely because my bff was dating a would-be news caster who had to stay in rome until the new pope was installed and the wait.felt.endless.

also THIS.

somehow, the pope makes me feel nostalgic for long, dry, hot summers full of sea air, freckled knees, tie-dyed shirts and finding new music.  at camp i discovered the music that shaped me then and inspires me now.  from jeff buckley to sarah mclachlan to rem to…meryn cadell?

if you haven’t heard of him (seriously, wikipedia – you are full of fascinating information), you’re missing out.  there are a number of true gems on angel food for thought, the entire album is worth a lesson (recommended after drinking a bottle of cheap wine, and while consuming cheez-its) but for sure, the sweater, is a track that is not to be missed:

i was lucky enough to grow up in the same city as all my cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents.  until i was 17 and we moved across the country, that meant we spent every holiday, birthday and anniversary together.  we swam in my grandparent’s kidney-bean shaped swimming pool, lit chanukah candles at hillcrest country club and ate bowls full of chopped liver on thanksgiving – together.  all of us.

my family.

my best friend from elementary school is still my bff.  she has the most thick, gorgeous hair and a heart that is so full of love and care for the people in her life – i sometimes wonder how she has room to breathe.  my camp friends made the months that were not june to august worth navigating and today, our mini-reunions with the next generation of campers make me feel the same energy and enthusiasm that i experienced at the top of the hill so many years ago.  a handful from college – a couple of former roommates, red heads and, of course, the curly rabbi who makes me laugh until whatever beverage i’m am drinking comes out of my nose and ears.  she makes me think hard about big life choices and the world that we live in.  and she can quote 90210 even better than me – maybe.  and rosie – my besheret.

these are the people i have known forever.  individuals who have shaped my life.

_______________

there are a multitude of reasons why i am the luckiest woman alive to have ended up with ABN as my partner.  with our 5th anniversary coming at the end of the month, i’ll save most of that list for another time and for now i’ll just say that with ABN i was gifted my first group of real family friends.  and it’s awesome.

ABN grew up in the midwest and for the most part,  his family lived all over the country.  so from a very early age he celebrated holidays, birthdays, and graduations, had dinner parties, took art classes, and was on the swim team with the same group of kids and he has been supported and loved by their parents.  they are this crazy, diverse, loud, talented, obnoxious and unbelievably caring extended family and from day 1, i’ve been adopted.

don’t judge us, we’re just drinking in the bathroom

these friends are now some of my closest friends.  this family is now my family.

we laugh hard and we play hard and we love each other like family – because we are family.  i’m a very lucky girl to be part of it all.

so yeah, i ended up going with the STITCH FIX SPARKLE DRESS – and it was the right choice.  don’t fret, i kept the polka dot dress too and i’ve already identified a few different occasions for which i will bust out that look.  but it turned out the wedding was just a touch fancier than i had envisioned (mainly because it didn’t start until 5pm…i don’t know why i thought it was an afternoon thing) and so the sparkle dress was perfect.  as were the boots – i sure did dance my ass off!

you’d know that there is no place that makes me happier than the beach – hawaii, february 2010 (yes, i’m drinking sparkling cider because for the months leading up to a positive pregnancy test ABN was convinced i shouldn’t have ANY alcohol. or raw fish. that was fun).

in the last few days i’ve come across this post on a couple of my favorite spaces around the blogosphere.  first HERE.  then HERE.  and others as well.  and i figured, i may as well jump on board too.  i find that so often i’m talking about the current, the in the moment, the now, in this space.  but there’s so much history that makes me who i am.  here’s a little bit of a peak inside the inner workings of LBN.

if you really knew me…

you’d know that from kindergarten through at least 6th grade, my dad would take me shopping every year, before the first day of school, for a new outfit.  it would be a head to toe ensemble, with matching socks and hair accessories.  we’d hit up the hottest store of the time – in kindergarten it was ESPRIT (which, i’m shocked to discover, still exists!), by 4th or 5th grade, it was the limited.  once i started middle school and i wore a uniform to school, my dad would still take me shopping if there was a special event – i remember a trip to ANN TAYLOR for my first long, flowy skirt, and a new coat from BLOOMINGDALES for my 18th birthday.

present day recreation of the past

you’d know that when we lived in LA we spent one weekend a month at our condo in palm springs.  my brother and i would spend hours as the only kids in the pool with the octogenarians while my dad soaked in the sun and my mom read vanity fair.  we’d ride our bikes along the flat, interconnected cul de sac (is that even a thing?) that outlined the complex and play handball against the garage.  for breakfast we picked fresh grapefruit and for dinner we ordered in TONY ROMAS.  the carpet was dark brown shag, at least an inch and a half tall and the sectional sofa was brown and green and mustard yellow and cream and floral.  i’d pay big money for that sofa today.

this was not college – this was 5 years ago on the family cruise to no-where. by this point, i was drinking much more expensive cocktails

you’d know that i was famous for the drinks i “mixed” in college.  cheap CHEAP vodka and hawaiian punch or cheap CHEAP vodka and kaluha and skim milk from the student store.  i’m telling you – people would come from across campus to taste one of my concoctions – i can’t believe we used to choke that stuff down.  just to be clear – i still LOVE a “skinny” white russian, i just select top shelf vodka

you’d know that when my parents told me – while out to dinner on mother’s day when i was 16 – that we were moving from LA to connecticut, i just about lost my mind.  i was sure in that moment that my life would be ruined forever and that i would never recover.  and while i held on to those feelings much longer than necessary – my life was not ruined.  in fact, everything worked out for the best.

2 things to note – 1. apparently, this is the face i make when i see ira glass live. 2. apparently, this was the quality of phone photos back in 2005. we’ve come a long way

you’d know that ABN and i owe a large part of our relationship to THIS AMERICAN LIFE podcasts.

EBN resting her sweet head

you’d know that i can’t sleep without my silky pillow.  i’ve had a baby-sized satin pillow forever and while, for years i was under the belief that the current pillow was still the original, i later learned that the REAL NANI would replace my gnarly, stained, stuffing falling out, thread-bare pillows with one of the fresh back-ups she always kept on hand.  i will never forget when she once walked into my room and had to cover her mouth, completely horrified to see a mostly brown silky pillow on my bed.  ABN makes fun of me because i like to rub the corner of the pillow under my nose.  it’s a coping mechanism.  my oldest BFF COURTNEY would always steal my silky pillow during our countless sleep-overs, but as a true friend, she’d always return it before it was time for sleep.  as soon as i was sure that EBN would not suffocate, i placed a new silky pillow, with an ever changing assortment of vintage embroidered pillowcases, in her crib and now, she places her head directly on it and tucks her arms underneath it as she drifts off to sleep.

alright, enough about me.  anything i should know about you?

last night i got to play grown-up for a few hours (one of the benefits of ABN having some time off before starting his new gig) and head out with a friend to sushi and show.  i know.  in what world does this happen?  it doesn’t.  except last night – it totally did.

i knew the night would be a blast because we were seeing THE INDIGO GIRLS and the concert was sure to be the perfect mix of summer camp and my first two years of college.  i went through a major folk-rock stage (aka the whining women) and while i would argue that the indigo girls do not whine, they are definitely a huge part of my musical history.  i can’t even begin to count the nights sitting around the camp fire, the road trips, the drunken cleaning sessions (yes, in college when we were drunk we would often clean…maybe that’s my issue now).  it all feels like a million years ago and at the same time – it was sorta like yesterday.

we listen to a lot of toddler music these days.  and britney and gaga and the black eyed peas when we’re ready to dance dance dance.  and some oldies, some soul, some americana (speaking of which – have you heard THIS?).  but in the ladies-who-sing-folk-rock…we’ve been sorely lacking.  in the last 24 hours i’ve tried to remedy the situation.

the night started off great with sushi and free beer from our young waiter lucas (that never happens when i go out with ABN).  we made our way over to the venue (the last time i was in a venue? no clue), pushed our way to the very front, got ourselves one more beer and spent the next 2+ hours singing at the very top of our lungs to old favorites.

it didn’t hurt that opening/backup band, THE SHADOWBOXERS was full of cute jewish boys.  adorable AND talented…we might have both drooled, just a little.

ever since i started digging through boxes to find a photo of my freshman year dorm room – i’ve been listening to a lot of the women-based folk-rock that i used to blast from my speakers.  from about 1995-2005, if your name was ani, sarah, dar, amy and emily or katryna and nerissa - i considered you my bestie (then i moved in with ABN and i began to listen to a lot more ben, bob and johnny).  when i lived at home my dad referred to my music as whining women.  i think that’s pretty funny because i’m fairly certain that if you called ani a whining woman to her face, she’d cut you – and then sing about it.  but the reality is, there’s a lot of whining out there.

i don’t buy a lot of music but for the most part, these days i’m buying the music that will make the best dance party for me and EBN (because we have epic dance parties).  there’s a lot of black-eyed peas and lady gaga and even a bit of katy perry (the kiddo loves teenage dreams – i don’t get it).  still, even though i don’t listen to it often, my music collection remains whining women heavy and these last few days of listening to some of my most favorite has really transported me to a different time and place.

and now for your listening pleasure – i’ve got a little playlist for ya – although you’ve been warned – this music might cause you to wear tank tops and heavy eye-liner. My playlist

it’s 6:30am – is there a better time to share with you some details about the ink that i’m thinking about getting?  probably not.  because like a baby who gets up hours before the sun, a tattoo is going to be there.  what a tattoo won’t do is get in bed at 2am (i’m looking at you ABN) meaning that i only got three hours of sleep – going into a weekend where there is absolutely no opportunity to catch up.  but i digress – this is about ink – at 6:30am.

i haven’t always wanted to get a tattoo but it’s something that i’ve been thinking about a lot as i’ve gotten older and even more over the last two years and as EBN gets ready to celebrate her first birthday the time just seems right.  my people don’t really do ink and so it’s something that i’ve been day dreaming about mostly in my own head until now.  it won’t be something that many people will see but rather something that is always with me and for me (ABN has basically said he will tolerate it, similar to the way i felt about being pregnant? – whatever, we all know he’ll love it once it’s there).

i’ve created a long list of artwork that i’m considering and while i’m not ready to share specifics i’ve gone from wanting to incorporate everything that has ever had any meaning to me (a la my freshman dorm room) to being more interested in something simple and symbolic – maybe less is more.

some pretty things to look at:

i love the clean lines of this, but i wonder if it’s weird to not have any shading – clearly i need someone in my life who knows about these things

Source: evermore.tumblr.com via LBN on Pinterest

Love this color

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via LBN on Pinterest

just so darn pretty

Source: blogs.babble.com via LBN on Pinterest

so simple

Source: fuckyeahtattoos.tumblr.com via LBN on Pinterest

love even more

Source: fyeahtattoos.com via LBN on Pinterest

there’s an awful lot to think about and decide in the coming months. if you have an artist that you love in the bay area, let me know – we all know i have no idea what i’m doing.