someone in this family has SERIOUS baby fever.  and i’ll give you a hint – this person only wants a baby brother, and only wants to name him deek.

it feels like there has been nearly endless baby talk around these parts recently – what with friends welcoming new siblings, mama in constant baby blanket production and with babies deek and sophie (poor sophie, always an afterthought) never outside arms reach.  it has all lead to some funny conversations about babies living in their mommy’s bellies.

a couple of nights ago, sort of out of the blue, i started telling EBN about the night she was born, trying, best as i could, to focus on the details that i thought she could understand.  it went something like this and it has since become part of our evening ritual:

for a very long time you lived in my belly and as you got bigger, my belly got bigger too.  while you were inside i spent a lot of time trying to take very good care of you.  i went on long walks and drank lots of water and even took a nap every now and then.  i’d rub my tummy and talk to you and tell you about what was happening, on the outside.  at night, your daddy would get close to my big belly and read you stories – hoping you would begin to recognize his voice, through the walls of my tummy.  your daddy would always get very tired whenever he read a story and would yawn these big, long yawns.  (at this point in the story, EBN first yawns big and long, like her daddy, and then giggles endlessly).

one day, after you’d been in my belly for a loooong time, i went to see the doctor – to make sure you were happy and healthy.  the doctor looked at me with a big smile and said – it’s time, the baby is ready to come out!  daddy and i were so excited.  i went home and showered and then went back to the hospital where i waited and waited and waited for you to come.  turns out, you wanted to stay in a bit longer – so daddy and i had lots of time to talk and make last-minute plans for your arrival (when mommy gets anxious, she makes lists).  eventually, you decided you were ready too – and so you started pushing, trying to get out.  to help things along, i pushed too – really hard!  together we pushed as hard as we could and eventually you came out and gave a really loud cry to announce your arrival. (at this point, EBN likes to add, POP!).

while you were in my tummy, we didn’t know if you were going to be a boy or a girl so as soon as you were out my doctor said in a big, strong voice, “it’s a baby girl!!”  i was shocked, and asked surprised, “a girl?”, while your daddy was even more confused and asked, “a baby?”.

we cuddled you tight and looked right into your bright blue eyes, and decided your name would be Evie Kayla.  Evie, because of your great-grandfather, Eddie.  the most just and caring and mensch-y person i have ever known – who cared deeply for his family and his world.  i always went to Eddie for advice and guidance and love and,while your Eddie died the year before you were born, the last thing he told me, when i was going through a difficult time at work, was to quit, it was time to start a family.  and so i did.  and we did.  and without his words of wisdom, you wouldn’t be you.

and Kayla.  because of your grandma Karen.  you never got to meet your grandma karen, and neither did i – but she was your daddy’s mommy and she died when he was still very young.  from all the stories that i have heard about your grandma Karen, it is clear that she was nurturing and loving and that she had a gift for bringing people together.  she also happens to have had the most amazing group of girlfriends imaginable and they continue to play a role in daddy’s life and we are so lucky to have them in our lives too.  without her influence on your daddy, he wouldn’t be the man that i love, and you wouldn’t be you, Evie Kayla.

once we had gotten some good cuddling in, your nani and p’pa were your first visitors – followed by a couple of the mahj girls (including BUDDY!!), aunti stef who happened to be in town from los angeles – and she brought a very special recorded singing telegram – and mommy’s dentist, but that’s a story for another time.

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ABN, once he caught wind of what was going on, decided to add his two cents to the story – which included a scary episode with me hallucinating in the final moments of labor and seeing clowns (funny that i had decided to leave this part out!).  of course, EBN has completely latched on to this detail and so every night (and morning) she recounts the following: “i was really little in mommy’s belly, then i pushed and mommy pushed, and then there were clowns and then pop, i was out. ” — sounds just about right.

from birth until around age 5 (i’m approximating), every night, i fell asleep listening to a casette tape recording of FREE TO BE YOU AND ME.  i could, and apparently still can, recite the entire thing, from start to finish, by heart.  starting with “hi, i’m a baby – what do you think i am, a loaf of bread?” all the way through, including “william wants a doll”, “parents are people, people with children,” and most especially, “it’s alright to cry,” sung by former football star rosey grier.  have no clue what i’m talking about?  watch this:

any better?

as a child of the early 80s, FREE TO BE YOU AND ME was a huge part of my youngest years.  it was the beginning of my hippie education in which i didn’t learn how to spell but i learned how to be a good friend.  and from the time i peed on a stick and found out that soon there would be a little one running around, i knew i’d have to share the music and the stories with her.

but then things got busy.  and EBN fell in love with first elmo and then mickey.  and we developed a new bedtime routine that included the sh’ma and some NASHAMA CARLBACH lullabies (and currently the 4 QUESTIONS, but that’s another story for another time) and let’s just say i totally forgot about MARLO THOMAS and friends.

and then, EBN was gifted the DVD of FREE TO BE YOU AND ME for her birthday.  here’s what you need to know.  1. it’s just as amazing as i remember it.  2. it has not been updated AT ALL, which means this is still the opening sequence:

and 3. (and most importantly) EBN is OBSESSED!  she walks around the house saying, “more free me!, more free me!”.  basically, mickey is a distant memory and elmo is all but forgotten (which i have to say is pretty good timing, considering…).

if you aren’t familiar with FREE TO BE YOU AND ME i really recommend getting it from netflix or checking it out of your library.  i promise it won’t disappoint you or your kid.  and i haven’t already tempted you enough, i’ll just let a young michael jackson and roberta flack see if they can sway you:

we arrived in boston monday night after a successful plane ride that included no nap. instead we ate and colored and ate and did lace-up cards and ate and watched dora and ate and played COOKIE DOODLE (do you know cookie doodle? if you have a kid, or if you like to decorate cookies and crack eggs then you should download this app. i promise you it is worth the .99). and we ate. i was smart and packed many snacks in many small bags which means that each time someone got bored there was another treat to pull out and start fresh.

my angel of a sister in law met us at the hotel after a very long and tough experience dealing with the car rental. everything went seamlessly with the trip until we waited 25 minutes for the shuttle to the car rental and then no one helped us with our bags (two big rollies and a carseat/stroller and a backpack for me and a backpack for the baby which she only carried sometimes and a work bag for me). and i got hot and she started to cry and i wanted to cry too. but then two very nice men who worked in the parking lot not only carried bags and the carseat/stroller but also pulled the car out and put the carseat in the car and turned on the heater and then turned it down because it was like 63 degrees in boston on monday night. and i tried to give them a tip but apparently they can’t accept a tip. unlike the man who drove the shuttle – who gladly accepted a tip but then left my bags and didn’t help much at all.

anyway, my sister in law, the angel, met us with dinner (cesar salad and a hot dog for the little one and a fridge full of paleo food to get me through the week for me) and wine and a cupcake because it was still EBN’s birthday and while we are saving blue toes until we get to westport there was still very much to celebrate.

by 11:30 east coast time our light was off, EBN in bed with me, where she requested to sleep, whispering quietly to herself, curled up tightly against me, just where she wanted to be and i wanted her to be. and we slept.

this morning i was up early and off to the office while the other girls snoozed until late morning. i met with volunteers and staff and re-imursed myself in an agency i once knew and continue to care deeply about. the other girls got together with friends and explored a touch and feel museum. and then, miracle of miracles, my late meeting was cancelled and i was able to meet up with the other girls and that brings us to now. EBN and i back at the hotel and after a quick skype with ABN, we will crawl into bed again. together. again.

in the morning (by the time you read this) she will head to westport. with nani and p’pa and i will miss her more than i have before. because she is more EBN than ever before and while i need to work and i need time with ABN and i need to celebrate at a wedding. at disney. in a very sparkly dress. it is so very hard to be away. from someone who is so delicious in her flannel pajamas.

looks can be deceiving.

i know.

my kid has been up since 3:30 and so have i.

and at 3:30 in the morning, she’s not nearly as cute as what is captured above.*

and i’m still not eating sugar. or cheese. or bread.  or a whole list of other really good food.  like cookies.  i want a cookie.**

and so, i think i’ll meet you back here on monday.  because mama needs a little break.

and because this too, shall pass.

in the meantime, i just ordered THESE.

because i’ve been up since 3:30 this morning.

and i can’t eat cheese.

*that’s not exactly true.  while i would really really really prefer a child who sleeps, it is pretty melt-my-heart-cute when, i walk in her room and she immediately sits straight up and starts singing and signing the more we get together together together.  but still, i’d rather she sleep.

**this whole paleo thing is actually going quite well and while in this very moment, the only thing that i want more than sleep is a mrs. fields semi-sweet chocolate chip cookie and a fountain soda diet coke (go ahead and judge) i’ve actually been feeling really great.  no real cravings (which is insane because there are few people who eat more carbs and more sugar than me) and instead i’ve been enjoying new recipes.  ABN has been doing great too.  there’s been absolutely no cheating (i’m as shocked as you are) even when i went to my favorite mexican place – which, for the record, is totally not worth it if you can’t eat anything.  live and learn

we had a big weekend in the BN house.

that’s right – EBN’s sleeping situation went from crib to toddler bed.

we’d been considering the change for a while and were debating if we should simply convert, as our crib came with a bed rail, or  jump into the deep-end with both feet and closed eyes and a plugged nose, and upgrade to a real, live, big girl bed.  after hemming and hawing and doing a whole lot of nothing other than collect big-girl bed ideas on PINTEREST, we decided that for us, we should stick with what we had – keep it simple, stupid.  duh.

there were 2 main reasons that we knew it was time for a change.  first, EBN is not petite (i think that’s how you say it) and with a crib, she was starting to look (who knows has she’s been feeling) trapped.  sure she’s got a lot crammed into her crib along with her, but it was getting cramped and over-crowded. second, EBN is heavy and leaning in to get her out of the crib was getting harder and harder.  forget about trying to lower into the crib gently – she was basically being dropped in at this point.

also, when we went to visit a friend last, EBN squealed when she saw her toddler bed.  sold.

so on friday we unloaded all her friends from her crib (she sure has amassed quite the crew) and got to work.  in one, two, three the conversion was complete and our little girl was beyond excited.  she immediately climbed into her new bed, grabbed COCO and put her head on the pillow.  ”nap time Evie, nap time Evie,” she said again and again.  who cares that it was about 8:30 in the morning.

plus, now that she has a bed, we get to do this:

i’m still day dreaming about a real, true big girl bed.  i plan to crochet a blanket and just wait until EBN discovers all that is a down comforter.  it’s going to be epic when it happens.  but i think we can hit pause for now.  other than a top sheet – girl needs a top sheet!

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i wish i could leave you with these images but alas, there is a bit more to share.  while EBN has made a seamless transition to toddler bed, she, unfortunately, had a not so great encounter with another bed in the house.

on saturday night, as i was putting laundry away EBN was doing this thing she tends to do in our room – sitting on our bed and throwing herself back into the pillows.  it’s fun and it’s supervised.  but she got a bit too close to the edge and when she threw herself back half of her body missed and she went tumbling to the floor.

the good news is that she rolled (and bounced, as our floor is cork) so even though she threw herself back with a lot of force, she hit the ground a bit more slowly (not much), twice – first landing on her head, then right below her eye (i was sure we were going to have a gnarly shiner).  she freaked herself out, she nominated me for mama-fail of the year and she instituted a new house-wide rule – no more monkeys jumping on the bed – period.

i’ve gotta admit – it was awful, terrifying and while she’s fine, i’m not sure if i will ever fully recover.  i slept zero hours on saturday night, checking on her every 15 minutes and also hating myself for allowing all of this to happen.  but, after the “episode” EBN was especially cuddly, holding on to her mama ever so tight and cuddling for hours on the couch.  that part was pretty memorable as well.

first things first, did you all give your selves a good squeeze this weekend?  i did.  for the first time since middle school when my pediatrician first handed me a guide about how to do a breast exam, i got down to business.  i decided to take the opportunity to enjoy an extra long shower, with a beer, and a deep conditioning treatment.  i figure, if i’m gonna do it…  i’m here to report that things felt pretty much the way they are supposed too.  i’m for sure floppier than the last time i checked myself – which is probably equal parts nursing a human and you know, having gone through puberty (there was a lot less boob to check last time around).  i’ve already added a reminder to my calendar for next month, and i hope that you will do the same.  don’t worry, i’ll be here to nag remind you as well.  moving on….

yes, she’s trying to hug the fish, at her favorite place….petco

THE BUG turned an unbelievable 21 months old on sunday.  i’ll be doing an update later this week but for now, just know, she’s cuter than ever.  sleep is again an issue – if she was fictional hero, this would be her fatal flaw.  she goes down easily but continues to wake up at an ungodly hour.  last week we tried to move her bedtime to a bit earlier as it has pushed increasingly later over the last few months – but that was an epic fail (she woke up at 4:45 demanding oatmeal).  so now we’ve pushed her even later – which is just crazy – and so far, not at all successful but i think we’re all comitted to sticking with it for a few more days.  she still eats dinner around 6:15 but now gets to enjoy an extra long bath before putting on pjs and hanging out with ABN while i get our dinner ready.  while we eat, EBN gets to watch a little elmo or mickey and enjoy a bedtime snack and some milk out of a sippy cup.  then it’s books and songs and bed and sleep.  and that part is easy.  for the last two days she’s been up at 5:45 which is still ungodly but, an hour in the right direction.  i’m hopeful. at the same time that we switched bedtime, we kicked the night time bottle.  so i can celebrate something.  i decided that if i was going to mess with her routine now would be a good time to take it away and she doesn’t seem to have noticed.  she still enjoys a very full bottle when she wakes up in the morning but i think once we get this morning thing under control i’ll be able to get rid of that one too.  i just can’t make her breakfast before 6am.  i have to put my foot down somewhere.

a couple of other updates for your monday morning:

ABN and i went on a shopping date on saturday night.  don’t be jealous.  i prepared for this outing by packing chocolate and water for ABN and an ativan for me.  he desparately needed knew slacks for an upcoming wedding (dresscode: rustic chic) and with that new shoes and a belt and socks.  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!  not only that, but we didn’t fight (i did a good job of looking at him when i talked while running around the store…that’s like a thing).  the pants look awesome and the shoes will totally make you drool (please don’t tell them that they are boots, and that the word hipster is in the name – sometimes it’s okay to keep secrets).

remember about a week ago when i mentioned that i’d subscribed to THE SKIMM to get daily news updates?  i’ve moved on.  it just wasn’t for me – and i’ll leave it that.  what i did like about the skimm was that i was able to receive an email, first thing in the morning.  so i’ve signed up for the DAILY BEAST and so far, so good.

come back tomorrow, i’ll be sharing a recap of the bridal tea that i threw with a few friends for one soon-ish-to be bride.  in the meantime, be sure to be snapping photos of your latest fixes from STITCH FIX.  i can’t wait for updates and of course, the STITCH FIX PARTY at the end of the month!