when i was pregnant with EBN, i was nervously excited each step of the way. sure, i hated the morning sickness, the swamp mouth, the weight gain, the general discomfort – but – at the same time – i looked forward to my weekly emails from babycenter discussing the growth of the fetus. i made list after list of all the details that needed to be in place before BBN arrived. we read books and took classes and took photos (even if i didn’t share them) documenting the growth of that enormous tummy.
this time around is different.
i’m not nervous. i’m not super excited. sometimes i feel like i forget i’m pregnant (well, except for the fact that i have near constant heartburn and it’s a struggle to tie my shoes), and rather, my life is just restricted in these really ridiculous ways and i have this ever present, general discomfort. rather than making lists of potential baby names, ABN and i have decided to not give it another thought until after the new year. instead of heading to babies r us and getting the new changing pad (i’m pretty sure each kid deserves a fresh changing pad), i’m schlepping EBN to the dentist and preschool and crocheting gifts for upcoming winter birthdays and updating our 2014 budget and just generally otherwise occupied.
there is one thing that is the same though – i wish my mom lived closer. i remember having this intense feeling at about the 3-month-out mark with EBN too. i know it’s partially hormones (hence the tears), partially that life feels unorganized and my mom is the queen of list making and a pro at throwing shit out, and partially just that at times like these (when i’m fat, hairy, feeling icky and unlovable) my mom is really the only person that i want within a 30ft radius.
i should add that while all i want is my mom, ABN has been doing a stellar job (especially dealing with the fat, hairy, feeling icky parts). since thanksgiving (and yes, that was like 3 weeks ago) i’ve been sick with a cold that won’t quit and then EBN caught it too and throughout it all, ABN was the only one left standing. taking wakeup and bedtime duty ++ multiple days in a row. (it’s been so long since i visited this space that there has been no mention of ABN throwing his back out – probably best to simply move along). this am, in one of my weaker moments, he offered to take the morning off but the truth is – i’m fine. i just want my mom.