When I’m 80

a few days ago i found myself having a long conversation with MBN (EBN’s babysitter, my life coach, my very close friend – clearly, a good person to have around) about a paper she had written in grad school.  the paper was supposed to be (and i’m paraphrasing here) a glimpse into the future of the writer; what would your personal life look like at 80, taking into account family medical history, environment, stressors and health and wellness.  or at least that’s how i understand the paper.  it got me thinking about my own life at 80 (or 50 or tomorrow) and they way i hope to be living.  i know this is all closely related to embracing the pacifica lifestyle but MBN urged me to think more broadly.  it’s not someone else’s pacifica lifestyle that i am trying to emulate but rather, perhaps the first time, define a lifestyle for myself.  the choices i make (from the day-to-day to the life changing) should be choices that define me and my family and not some other ideal (materialistic, education, i could go on…).

as for me at 80 – i’m hoping it looks something like this (in no particular order):

1. i have perfected a recipe that i am known for.  when i host a dinner party or celebrate a birthday, the food is expected to be served.  everyone asks me to share my secrets but i only share the full recipe with my closest family.

2. when someone walks into my living space it is clear that they are entering a jewish home – from the artwork to the shabbat candlesticks to the doorposts and, most importantly, the values that we hold most dear – and mahjong…clearly mahjong.

3. when family gets together, we can’t help but talk about summer camp

4.  we have a room of book shelves full of our most essentials reads – everything from BEL CANTO and THEIR EYES WERE WATCHING GOD to AT RISK and NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER (ABN and EBN can put their favorites in there too)

5. i have served on the board of a non-profit that i continue to advise and support

6. our home filled with fresh flowers

7. we have regular dates nights that include red wine

8. i have an appreciation for the green (or blue) space where i live

9. i have my hair blown out – regularly

10. i am the old lady with a tattoo that has no regrets

11. our home is filled with family photographs

12. we indulge in low-key travel; weekends away to slow down and spend time with the people we love

13. i know my body – what works, what doesn’t have when to ask for help

14. i remember to be grateful everyday that my children now live in a world where they can marry who ever they want to marry – and that their mama and daddy played some (small) role in making that possible

15. i appreciate friendships that span more than 50 years

16. we tell stories about the years when ABN made guacamole with ingredients straight out of our garden

17. i find support, love, humor and a spiritual home with my brother and his family – and maintain a bitter rivalry in rummikub

18. i rock a true style, all my own (though influenced by mrs. roper)

19. we have a marriage that we both appreciate – one that challenges us and surrounds the two of us and our children, with love

20. i have children that are passionate

21. i have journals, scrapbooks or other writings full of the memories we have created – i know i won’t remember but i want to be able to look back

a list of 21…sorta weird, but for now, a good starting place.  i like that some of my list requires immediate attention.  at 80 i want to be able to look back on LBN today and say, nice job lady!

if you feel like putting together a list of “when i am 80…” i’d love to read what you’re thinking about!