growing up, you could always count on my grandma to bake something yummy.  for birthdays it was chocolate cake.  for family dinners it was fresh chocolate chip cookies.  and during long summers at camp, a box of sugar-coated short bread was sure to be smuggled in.  but my very favorite of grandmas goodies were her famous mini-cheesecakes.  these chesecakes only came out for the most special of occasions (i think my first experience was at my aunt linda’s baby shower where i ate way more than my fair share) because they were especially time-consuming and at some point, after one significantly large production, she declared herself done – never to be made again.

when i got married a group of my mom’s friends threw me a recipe shower and included in my cookbook was my grandma’s secret mini-cheesecake recipe (she also gifted me the mini cupcake tins necessary to make the 8 dozen!!! cakes the recipe produces – so thoughtful).  they’d always been on my list of things to make one day but the opportunity had never real come up.  until this year.  back in may we hosted a shabbat dinner right around the holiday of shavuot (a holiday note worthy only for its celebration of the receiving of the ten commandments, but also dairy consumption).  so i got to work…and let me tell you, that woman was not joking around.

RECIPE NIGHT: BITE-SIZE CHEESECAKES

important to note – while the recipe appears simple it is time and labor intensive.  and the cakes must chill in the refrigerator for several hours before you add the topping.  this is part of my grandmother’s original recipe but it’s hidden down in the middle (not so helpful).  i’ve got a lot to say about my grandmother’s recipes – what she shares, what she doesn’t, what she leaves out…on purpose?, but i’ll leave that for another time.

yield: 8 dozen – you best be planning for a BIG party

ingredients:

for the crust:
2 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/2 cups sugar
2/3 cups melted better (about 1 1/2 sticks)

filling:
3 – 8oz pkgs cream cheese, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 eggs
4 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 tsp lemon juice

topping:
1 pt sour cream
1 tsp vanilla
1/3 sugar

start off by mixing together the crust ingredients.  let’s just say i’m not sure if anything smells better than hot butter, graham crackers and sugar.  i could have stopped here and devoured the entire bowl.

next, line the pans with the mixture, about 1/8″ thick…whatever that means.  this part is messy.  and takes forever.  8 dozen mini cupcakes is a lot.  and if you don’t have 8 cupcake tins then you’ve got to do it in rounds.  and rounds requires days because before you put the final topping on the cakes need to chill for several hours.  do i sound bitter?  i’m not.  i just strongly suggest doing this process the day before you clean your kitchen – not the day after.  and you should probably get a dog to clean up the crumbs – because there are going to be lots.

confession – i only made 4 dozen.  i made my crust a little thick and i got totally overwhelmed and just didn’t have time to start fresh.  and believe me, 4 dozen was enough.  so i had thick-ish crusted cupcakes.  they were still delicious.

it’s time to make the filling.  beat cream cheese until soft, then add in sugar, eggs, vanilla and lemon and continue to mix until creamy.  i strongly suggest that you risk salmonella err whatever and stick your finger in and have a taste.  OMG.  worth the production.

fill each cup with a small spoon-full of the filling.  no doubt, over filled mine.  before you put them in the oven i think they should be slightly below the brim – not already brimming over.  but as i noted above, my cups were slightly thicker than recommended and so it get any cheesey-goodness in, i had to take drastic measures.  it worked out fine – but i’d do it differently next time.  anyway, shove those suckers in the oven and bake for 10 minutes.  they’ll probably rise a bit, but should fall once out of the heat.  they should be firm, not jiggly, to the touch.  let cool.

i bet you thought you were done – ha!  time to get going on that topping.  mix ingredients together and spread over the cooled cheesecakes.  then return the cakes to the oven for an additional 5 minutes – so the topping sets.  then find room for 4 8 dozen cheesecakes in your fridge – OVERNIGHT.

now comes the hardest part of all, getting those suckers out of the pan.  the original recipe suggested using a sharp knife.  below see the initial results:

sure they tasted delicious (there were plenty of halves to sample!) but no way could i serve that mess.  but then a vision flashed in front of my eyes of my grandma, standing at her kitchen counter in front of mini-cheesecakes and a glass of boiling water (thanks for including that tip – grandma!).  so i got my water and an even sharper knife.  before each go round i dipped my knife in the hot water, and ended up with a much better result:

the cakes were a huge hit – tasted just as good as i remembered them although, again in honesty, i could only get half way through one, my tummy just isn’t what it used to be, those buggers are rich!  i can’t imagine going to that effort again anytime soon, but i’m glad i made the attempt.  for those of you out there with a bit more time, and a heck of a lot more patience – you won’t be disappointed!

i would not say that we’re particularly patriotic.  that said, my eddie and used to march in the memorial day parade down san vicente in brentwood.  we were renegade marchers meaning that when there was a lull between marching bands, pooping ponies and vintage cars, he’d grab my hand and we’d make our way to the middle of the boulevard and march in place, in front of extended family.  my eddie would proudly sing as i tapped my toy drum to the beat.

you’re a grand old flag, you’re a high-flying flag
and forever in peace may you wave
you’re the emblem of, the land i love
the home of the free and brave.

by the time i was 5 or 6 the parade was a distant memory as san vicente went from small mom and pop businesses to the home of starbucks and haagen dazs and oj simpson.  but that didn’t mean my eddie stopped singing.  his repertoire was somewhat limited.  the 8 clap and some ancient SC fight song (which he would never admit to knowing, from his days in law school), yellow rose of texas, a few army songs, and always, always you’re a grand old flag.

every heart beats true ‘neath the red, white and blue
where there’s never a boast or brag.
should old acquaintance be forgot
keep your eye on the grand old flag.

a few weeks ago in EBN’s music class, the familiar beat poured out of the speakers and before i realized what was going on i was marching in place, singing the words with just as much conviction as my eddie.  i’ve loved watching EBN learn the song – she waves her flag proudly above her head and although she doesn’t understand the meaning (i never did either) it’s as is if she knows it is an important part of her family lore.

EBN refers to all american flags as grand old flags and pointing them out provides the perfect distraction for any car ride.  i never imagined that i’d be a house that had a flag out front but i’m pretty sure that’s an investment we’ll have to make.  around memorial day and the 4th of july my eddie used to put a flag up in front of his house – an old flag with only 48 stars.  i’m thankful there’s someone to carry on the tradition.

over the past year and a half i’ve shared some of my most favorite crochet projects.  but there’s a little more to the story.

moving to the coast, from the “big city” just over two years ago was a real change for this little family of mine.  sure, the bigger move came a few years before when ABN and i spent three weeks driving across the country, only to land in SF.  but in the years that we were there, we’d settled in quite well – wonderful neighborhood, good friends and a baby to boot.  life in noe valley was pretty amazing – but somehow we both knew it wasn’t the place we were meant to stay.  we craved space.  we craved a backyard that our family could enjoy and not fear nails and splinters and rotting wood.  and, although i’m not sure either of us could have articulated this at the time, we both craved a quieter and slower pace.  no matter what we do, every single part of our lives is go-go-go and so to come home to a true respite from that, is really everything.  we found an oasis in pacifica.

making new friends as an adult though, is not easy.  and for a while it felt like we were living a double life.  EBN and i still trekked into the city multiple times a week for playgroups and classes and outings.  ABN and i l scheduled date nights months in advance just so we could make reservations at the latest hot spots in the city.  but with all the effort we were making to stay connected to that old life, we were missing some of the treasures that we had acquired when we moved to the coast.

and one of those real treasures, for me, and i think for us, has been the crocheting moms.

this group of women, all from different backgrounds, with different life experiences, interests and attitudes, come together and sit for hours drinking coffee (or mimosas…as the case maybe, or beer, or margaritas) and stitch and bitch quite literally.  truthfully, there isn’t a ton of bitching, but a lot of talking and gabbing and learning from one another.  they are creative and inspiring and  have become my true friends.  people i can turn to for support, for guidance, or to meet for a glass of wine.  a year and half ago, when my friend laura offered to teach a few of us how to “hook” i had no clue what a big part yarn, and these women, would play in my life.

in the last few months, a few of the crocheting mamas have had new babies and to celebrate, we’ve been making community blankets (just to be clear – there is probably no greater push for me to want another kiddo then the promise of one of these blankets.  i’m showing real restraint right now).  each mama contributes a few granny squares – yarn and pattern of their own choosing.  the end results have been totally rag-tag and completely gorgeous.  i love that there is no rhyme or reason almost as much as i love this community that creates them.

#luckymama

sorry for the poor quality of this photo, but my parents snapped a screen shot of the book in action while we were skyping earlier this week

1. The Pout Pout Fish.  do you own this book?  really, you should.  we heard it at our local storytime a couple of weeks ago and not 24 hours later EBN and i found ourselves at kohl’s buying not only the book but the 3 stuffed animals that go with it.  it is that good.   if you can get yourself to kohl’s the book is $5 as are the plush toys.  it is part of the kohl’s cares program and 100% of proceeds go to support kids health and education.  what’s not to love? 2. thursday night supper club.  a few weeks ago a small group of mamas and kiddos started getting together for thursday night dinner.  it happens to be a night when a lot of the dads get home late and so it makes perfect sense for all of us to come together after naps and play outside in the remaining daylight before eating dinner and then calming down with at least part of a movie.  it’s felt like an early start to the weekend and a bit of a break from the typical routine.  something that we both look forward to.

3. short shorts.  i’m not sure why, but i’ve deemed this the summer of the short shorts.  don’t worry, i’m not doing anything crazy.  i’m pretty sure the shorts that i’m sporting aren’t that short by anyone’s standards other than mine, the girl who hasn’t really worn shorts since 1999.  but i get super excited to dawn them any opportunity i have, which also means i’m keeping my legs smooth on a regular basis…so we all win.  i’ve got two pairs (true cut-offs and a neon pink number from old navy) which i’m pretty sure is enough to get me through a pacifica summer.  and some people might call my life boring…ha!

because pictures like this make me smile

EBN knows this to be true because of her love of Free to Be You and Me and Rosie Greer’s scene stealing performance.

but sometimes this mama forgets. and so i hold in too long – the daily frustrations, the exhaustion, the guilt about not doing enough, the urgency of feeling like i’m trying to squeeze too much in, the jealousy of what i don’t have, the neglect of things that i do.  and like the pile of laundry that is currently collecting in my basement – eventually everything topples over onto the floor, leaving a much bigger mess than what was once necessary.

so monday night, for no memorable reason, i broke down.  the tears flowed.  not the pretty kind either.  there was sobbing and a little heaving in trying to catch my breath.  and lots of snot.  it went on for a way longer than any of us had anticipated (poor ABN) and covered too many topics to even begin to cover.  it was beyond exhausting and i woke up with puffy red eyes and desperate for more sleep.  in order to make my tuesday a bit better than my monday – i decided that a baby/mommy nap was an essential.  and so we did and it was.

we are all so ready for a bit of vacation.  i know that’s part of it.  and maybe i’m getting my period.  but also, i need to remind myself from time to time, just like EBN – there doesn’t always need to be an excuse or a reason.  after all, it might make you feel better.

growing up, i have distinct memories of sleepovers at nani and eddie’s house in which i squeezed between them in their big california king sized bed, eating chopped salad followed by raspberries and chocolate ice cream, as they both read the days newspaper.  cover to cover.  sometimes with a magnifying glass.  my nani even insisted on reading the paper with her arms raised way above her head and her neck craned up, in hopes of not getting the ink on her clean, white sheets.  sections still to be read balancing on a decorative pillow next to her – discarded pages collecting on the worn floral rug below.

for a while now, i’ve wanted to get the new york times delivered on sundays.  i know – antiquated.  but i never watch the news anymore and the cheat-sheet news-bites that stream into my inbox are never really enough.  i get the headlines but not much more.  i long for solo car rides so i can listen to NPR uninterrupted but those opportunities feel few and far between.  plus – wedding announcements – i want ‘em.  after way too many “maybe next month” rationalizations, i finally took the plunge and subscribed so that now each and every sunday a copy arrives in my driveway, hours before EBN even wakes up.

after our brunch guests left and EBN settled in for her nap, i took my paper out to the back porch where the sun was shining and the pigs were squealing (what?) and put my feet up in the sun and read the front page, followed by Sunday Style and Arts & Entertainment, The Book Review, The Magazine and Travel and even a bit of Business.  i was shocked about how many of the articles i found not only informative but interesting.  i learned a lot.

highlights from this week included:

this wedding brought to you by a wolf-dog hybrid – and hi-tops

the great baby name debate continues – it’s possible i’ve since googled one of name sites the article mentions.  just so ya know – they didn’t come up with EBN.

easy choices can still be complicated – you know me, i love a good fertility story.

a peek into what it’s like to be a kid on broadway.

and obviously, my personal favorite, essential stops along the california cheese trail.  DONE!

i’m already looking forward to getting my paper next weekend.  truthfully, it takes a while for me to work my way through it.  but i’m thinking about setting my alarm, pouring a big cup of coffee and enjoying the peace and quiet.  to each their own.

xo,

LBN

2 weeks ago, i felt inspired to start a new workout routine.

working out is always more fun when you have a gym buddy.
especially one who wears a matching sweatband.

is anyone else feeling like their dvr is a bit lighter these days (or, in my case, just full, but with a lot of crap-ola rather than the quality programs i’m used to…achem)?  sure, there are a few gems that only occur during the summer season – so you think you can dance being my personal #1.  but with the bachelorette off to a booooring start (yes, we are only 1 episode in and yes, i’m already judging) i feel like i might need to pick up a new hobby.  before i give up on tv forever, let’s do a bit of reminiscing of the season that was.  here’s my breakdown (with spoilers…it’s been at least a week since the last finale i mention so i figure if you haven’t seen it by now…that’s your issue, not mine):

THE OFFICE:
it’s no secret around here that i’m a fan – and even more importantly, it is the one show that over the years ABN and i have always watched together.  we were oh so sad to see it go but really very happy with the way they signed off.  personally, i’m really glad michael scott came back and i loved that he had the two very best lines of the episode.  i also loved that the episode didn’t revolve around him, and allowed other side characters to really shine.  kelly kappor – my love for you knows no bounds.  jim and pam – i now have one more reason to visit to austin.  and that wedding entrance, with phyllis carrying angela down the aisle?  i.die.  literally.

SCANDAL:
are you kidding me?  i think this show has officially jumped the shark.  i’m disappointed.  sure, i probably had unreasonable expectations (huck) – but i can’t stand anyone (other than huck and maybe david) and while i think olivia has killer style and i’d probably watch the show just to see her amazing wardrobe i can literally not stand her because of her love of  fitz.  i hate fitz.  like literally, he repulses me.  he repulsed me before he killed the supreme court justice (because he was the bad guy in ghost and no, i can not get passed that) but now…ugh.  and then the season ended by throwing scott foley in a hole.  really?  who throws scott foley in a hole?

GREY’S:
once again, i ended this season thinking to myself, i can’t believe i still watch this show.  i don’t know what it is (jackson) but there is something that keeps me coming back (jackson).  my dad always says, if he’s ever in seattle and he gets sick, no matter what, don’t send him to seattle grace.  and you guys, i’m with him on that.  also, has anyone else noticed that the show is dark?  and i’m not talking story lines.  i don’t know if we’ve just been watching too much dora in this house, but i literally have to strain my eyes to make out the contrast between the actors and the background.  what’s up with that?  and finally, as richard was brandon’s boss during the summer seasons of beverly hills 90210, if they kill him off, i’m cutting this show from my list once and for all.  i’m just saying…

THE GOOD WIFE:
way back when this show first premiered, i was its #1 fan. it had everything going for it – courtroom drama, murder (ask ABN, i have a thing for shows when someone is killed off in the first 5 minutes), a love triangle, juiliana margulies AND chris noth. but over the last two seasons i felt a bit disconnected. don’t worry, i’m not jumping ship (i’m looking at you, grey’s) but it just wasn’t as important to my day-to-day life (what?). i feel like the show might be back (she types cautiously). i love carey and i’m excited to see the new dynamic between him and alicia play out.  i also love how much red wine alicia drinks.  i’m pretty sure we’d be friends IRL.

NASHVILLE:
let’s all take a collective deep breath. it’s been more than a week and i swear, i’m still losing sleep over this god awful finale. i understand a cliff hanger (hi, i love tv!) but a cliff hanger with each and every plot line? and a negative cliff hanger (yes, i’m counting the proposal as negative!) at that? not.a.fan. not only does deacon find out that he’s maddie’s dad and not only does that send him into a downward spiral and not only do he and rayna fight but then there’s a car crash? and, because i mentioned it…the proposal? puh-lease. they have known each other about 2 minutes and have been struggling for more than 90 seconds of that time. and while i love scarlett’s wardrobe…it’s just not enough. teddy’s crazy mistress is preggers and and and, well things can’t possibly get any worse for juliette so i guess we can count that as a win. sorta. mostly, i’m just upset about deacon. because i love him. and while we’ve all known this wasn’t going to end well (paternity secrets kept for years from raging alcoholics never do) i just don’t like where this is going. not.one.bit.  luckily, the soundtrack is killer and the 2nd edition has just been released on itunes – which might be enough to get me through the summer.

in other news, based on numerous reccomendations, i spent a good part of my memorial day weekend watching a good part of the first season of THE MINDY PROJECT.  that girl is hi-lar-i-ous, even when shows are watched out of order (on demand – you confuse me).  and with the cliff-hanger ending (i approve!) you can count me as someone who will be back for more!  in the meantime, you can find me fast-forwarding through a week’s worth of gh, the latest episode of the the next foodnetwork/design star and, the not to be missed though i can’t believe i’m admitting this, little couple.  did anyone else catch the latest episode of them going to pick up their son in china?  sob-city!

xo,

LBN

yesterday was EBN’s 2nd dentist visit and her 1st cleaning.

at her first appointment, 3 months ago, they counted her teeth – barely. she gritted her teeth tightly as she sat on my lap and moved her head from side to side trying to get a better glimpse at dora, who she was watching on the flat screen tv inches from her face.

i had similarly low expectations for this go ’round – i figured if she didn’t scream her head off, we’d count it as a victory.

my little girl came through with flying colors. she babbled from the moment she woke up about how the dentist was going to brush her teeth but that first she was going to brush the dragons teeth (she was right!):

then she got to watch a video about a chimp brushing his teeth. then, for the ultimate win, they turned on yo gabba gabba just as the dentist came in to start the cleaning. at this point, they could have told her they were going drill holes in her baby doll and she wouldn’t have flinched. it.was.awesome. not only did my girl get a full cleaning, and teeth count (they are all there!) but they also used that sucker thing, gave her a fluoride treatment and USED THE SCRAPER!!!! i just sat there dumbfounded – truthfully, the dentist was pretty much in shock too.